Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
