He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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