Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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