i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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