I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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