She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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