I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
