Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
