I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
