cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
