Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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