Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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