nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
