I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
