went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
