Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
