Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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