i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
