guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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