I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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