I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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