My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
