No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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