apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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