Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
