Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
