My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
