I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
