I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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