at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
