He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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