I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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