I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
