My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
