I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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