Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
