Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
