Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
