he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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