good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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