Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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