Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
