So drunk its hurt
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Michael Bay diarrhea
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
