I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Let's get the cat blown out
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
