one might say we're banned from that church
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
