I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
