I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
