I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
