Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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