Screwed.edu
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize