You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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