he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
