In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize