I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Jerry, you need to find god
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
