Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
