My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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