the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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