Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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