The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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