Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
