shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
