Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
