If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
