we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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