all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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