I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
