Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
